Text Box: Most of you will remember him as a shy character with not much to say. Not any more. With his own page to boost his morale and keep up his ratings since his show went down he'll be here to add the occasional misery to your life... and possibly a few laughs.

                       

                       
                        Text Box: Before I even start may I point out that actually I’m a decent person and not a hate fuelled lunatic as may come across here.  All views are not necessarily mine and are toataaly the responsibility of the administrator.  So sue him. Well, my first column, and what to lambaste first??.... Probably first of all my knowledge of English as I don’t know that lambaste is real, or even remotely relevant.  Anyway, lets get cracking. And as much as I desperately want to I refuse to – for a bit anyway! – attack the ginger nut eating, budgie feeding, slight wee smelling, bad “I’m far to small now to see over the dash board” driving and generally totally bloody crabit segment of society called (trumpet call, dun dun dunnnn!!)  OLD PEOPLE.  That’s right they’re awful but one was nice to me the other day and even more recently I held a door open for one and rather than the usual push through me with a look of distaste whilst trying to put her brolly up IN MY FACE , this one smiled (I say smiled – anyone who has seen the majority of Glasgow’s OAPs knows that that’s not a smile but as near as said people can muster)  and thanked me.  So to her I say thank you and she has restored the youth of today’s faith in the elderly.  She didn’t tip me though did she?  So I’m laying off the old dears for now.  Incidentally, why are there no tall old ladies? I know several tall old men but honestly don’t think I’ve seen a oap woman of more than say 5 and a bit feet. Also I’ll refrain from going on about how the Scottish Welsh etc at the commonwealth mysteriously became British whilst the English were English, except for the relay teams who were British athletes again quick enough… Or maybe I’ll be nice and have a “what really makes me happy” slot.  Like libraries – aren’t they fantastic, they’re free and you can get anything you like, fantastic! And tea in a nice mug, hardly beatable!  Actually being nice is so much harder.  Damm.  So what really grind my cogs; Ostriches.  Drat – I’ve ran out of room to explain that one…

 

Text Box: Lets hope he's back soon to explain the ostrich hating...